I have a ticket and a dress

Now all I need is for it to be July.

I picked up my dress on Tuesday and I got my airline tickets to northern Cal on Friday. I have my first fitting for my dress Tuesday. My how time flies. It is a little under six weeks until the wedding and I feel like it was only yesterday that P and I were thinking what if M proposes. I really am excited for her. I thought at one point that I would be more jealous of her since she is getting what I want. I mean, she wanted it to, but there is no jealousy. I am honestly just happy for her. Who knew!

You're always 17 in your hometown...

I went back to my hometown this weekend for the "official" engagement party and the bridal shower. It is amazing the looks I got. It was funny because people looked at me and recognized me and it was as if I belonged. Then it was as if they realized that I had been gone for a long time -- since high school. I have no family left there and haven't been back "home" in probably 15 years. That is when people did the double-take and frown at me.

It is so strange how so much has changed and yet so much is still the same. The faces were the same -- older and a little heavier -- and the trees were bigger, but for the most part it was the same. Then as you look closer, nothing is the same. You really can't go home again.

Once everyone got over the shock of seeing me, it was a great visit. I got to see a lot of the folks who made such an impression on me and had a hand in making me the person I am today. The bridal shower was a cross section of my life in school from elementary through high school. My very favorite teacher ever was even there and I got to give her a big hug and say thank you -- and apologize for being such a brat in class.

Yes, Stepmonster was there and was in fine form. She was highly medicated so she was actually bearable. P and I were discussing it and she looks plastic. We think she has had some serious work done to her face. She couldn't frown! Don't get me wrong, I'd have work done if I had the money. I would just hope that I would have a better surgeon.

More later. It is late and I'm tired.

That which I fear the most...

It sucks to suddenly see yourself as – or have the realization that you might become – that which you fear the most.

Mr. Maybe that I went out with Tuesday night turned out to be a dud. Not him personally. We had a great dinner and great conversation with the dinner. We talked about family and our dreams for the future and our pasts and just about everything you can think of to talk about on a first date/blind date. (Meeting people from eHarmony is like a blind date because other than what you know about them from online and talking to them, you’ve never met them.) I didn’t hear from him yesterday. I didn’t really expect to, to be honest. But, I did send him a quick little e-mail thanking him for dinner and that I would be open to seeing him again. I got an e-mail from him today saying that he didn’t think it would work out because he doesn’t like cats.

That is when it hit me. I’m becoming that which I fear the most – the old spinster woman with the cats. Okay, I realize that at 35 in the year 2006, I’m hardly a spinster and that contrary to the 1986 Newsweek article, I’m not more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to marry after 30. (Newsweek did rethink the whole thing and you can read about it here.) But still, Mr. Maybe didn’t want to date me because I own cats. I also got a match yesterday who said that he didn’t like cats and basically that “those with cats need not apply.” I suddenly had a strange glimpse into my future of coming home to the cats and an otherwise empty house, picking up my crochet, and settling in for an evening of television. Oh, wait, that is my life now.

I have friends. I go out. I am not a total hermit. You can’t tell me that I need to get out more. I do go out when I have opportunity. I don’t like the bar scene. It was fun at 21, but not so much now. When I do go to the bar or club, it is usually not to troll for men, but rather to see a specific band or meet up with people.

I belong to, and attend fairly regularly, a church in the area. I meet people through that also, but most of the “single” people are divorced and older so I don’t have much in common with them.

I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to be the old spinster lady with cats. That is why I am on eHarmony and I go out and everything else. I just don’t know what else to do. I sound whiny. I am right now because I'm a little hurt that he "broke up" with me via e-mail (chicken shit way out if you ask me). Tomorrow I will be better. In general, I have a pretty great life. I have great friends and a very patient family who love me even single. I joke about being my niece and nephews favorite aunt so they will take care of me when I'm old and infirm. I want it to be a joke, anyway. Days like today make me wonder.

My very first meme...

I feel so officially bloggish! To be honest, when I got tagged for this meme, I was a little intimidated. After all, my sister the librarian tagged me. I have to be honest, I don’t read nearly as much as I should or used to simply because of time constraints in my life now. Someday (soon) I hope the time constraints will be lifted and I’ll have time to really read. For the time being, I read fluff – pure brain candy – because I have to think enough in my real life!

So…

1. The three most influential books in my life are:

• Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
  This was an influential book simply because it was the first challenged book I ever read and I read it because I was told not to. It was the book that above all has made me think about what causes people to challenge books.
• The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorn
  This was first read as a class assignment when I was a freshman in high school many, many years ago. I reread it a few years ago and it was interesting to read it with the eyes and experiences of an adult. It was influential because it made me realize how much society has changed and it made me sad because high school freshmen today wouldn’t see a big deal with what Hester Prynne did.
• The Left Behind Series by Tim Lahay and Jerry B. Jenkins
  This series, while not necessarily great literature, did make me think about what and how I believe about the end times.

2. Three books I’ve read more than once.

• The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
• The 3 longer novels in the Anita Blake series
• What Dreams May Come by Richard Matheson

3. Three great books I personally hated.

• To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee Hate may be too strong of a word here, but it wasn’t one of my favorites. I know it is a great work of literature and has a wonderful story and moral, but I just didn’t like it! (Sorry, Carrie.)
• The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
  I know, I know, but it was pure torture to me!
• Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
  I see a Steinbeck pattern forming here.

4. Three pure pleasures.

• The Anita the Vampire Slayer series by Laurell K. Hamilton. (Falls into the pure fluff category. This is my current book obsession and also part of the reason I hate series of books and waiting for the next one to come out.)
• Chick Lit
• Sci-Fi or Fantasy novels

5. Three great books I should have read but haven’t yet.

• For Whom the Bell Tolls by Earnest Hemmingway
  Or really anything by Hemmingway. I have started FWTBT, but I’ve never finished it. I should.
• The Harry Potter series. And I plan to when she finishes it. There is nothing more infuriating and frustrating to me than to have to wait six months to a year between books in a series.
• The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

I could actually list many, many more. It is embarrassing how many classic works of literature I’ve not read.

6. The last three books I ordered. (Since I don’t generally order books, I go to the bookstore instead, I’ll list those. Hey, where else can you eat a Rice Krispy treat the size of your head and drink a cup of way overpriced coffee?)

• The Last Boleyn by Karen Harper (Initially published as Passion’s Reign.)
• Micah by Laurell K. Hamilton
• 12 Choose Your Own Adventure books for my roommate’s classroom. (I did order these -- Or rather won them off of eBay.)

The question is who to tag now. I don’t know if there are actually any “regular” readers of my blog to tag. So, I’ll tag Princess Mindy and hope for the best.

Happy Summer Everyone!

Well, summer is officially here, I guess. I had the day off yesterday and worked my tail off doing laundry and planting flowers in the bed by the walk. It was a great day, overall.

Next weekend is the “official” engagement party and P’s bridal shower. The ladies throwing the shower graciously invited me to be a hostess. Basically, I’m a hostess in name only. Since I live five hours away, I don’t get to help with the preparations. Bummer. The lady I’ve spoken to on the phone said that I would get to take down everything that P gets at the shower. Well, since I’m the MOH, I’d have probably done that anyway! Oh well, I really do appreciate the fact that they are including me in the shower.

On to other life news... I got ANOTHER new trainer. Old guy trainer got a job offer in another state and he moved. I met with him exactly twice and he cancelled once. Oh well. New trainer is nice, but I’m not sure how I’m going to like him. It is hard to tell after one session, I guess. Then again, maybe the third time is the charm. I don’t have a clever nickname for him yet, either. That will have to come with time, I guess.

I am meeting a new Mr. Maybe guy from eHarmony tonight. I was just anxious before, but now I’m downright nervous. I missed his call last night. (No, it wasn’t the make him sweat and not answer the phone game, either. I was legitimately not available.) I called him back and he missed my call, so I e-mailed him this morning to confirm where we are meeting, etc. He responded to the e-mail almost immediately. I don’t quite know what to think about that. I am a girl after all and I can totally overthink this entire thing. For that matter, I probably will! I seem to easily forget, since it has been so long since I’ve dated, that men are generally simple creatures who tend to not put hidden meanings into everything like girls tend to do. At least, that is what someone who dates regularly told me. I will just have to go with that assumption/information for now since I have little personal knowledge.

Maxie is going to be fine...

In case anyone is wondering, Maxie is doing fine. He went back to the vet on Tuesday and had a second glucose curve. Doc said that his blood sugar was going much lower and that he's where he thought he'd be in about six months not a week. So, instead of upping his dose right now, we're leaving it the same -- 1cc of insulin every morning. He is down to 17 pounds and is getting so thin! I kind of miss my big-fat-kitty. He feels so light when I pick him up.

In other news, I am getting yet another trainer. I had to leave girl trainer because our schedules didn't match. I was bummed about that because I really liked her! I got as a replacement Old Guy Trainer. He has been a trainer for 34 years. I told him when we met that he's been a trainer as long as I've been alive! NOTE: When someone has the ability to cause you great pain and you are paying them to do so, don't insult them before your session starts. So, now I'm getting another new trainer. I haven't met him yet, I only know his name. I hope he's good!

Not much else in the world of this maid of honor. I've often joked that if I had a stalker, he'd be a sad, bored little man. Heck, he could go on vacation and not miss anything! Oh well. There is something to be said for the comfort of routine.

In other news... (and some wedding stuff, too)

Life has been crazy in the past week. Last Thursday morning, I woke up to Maxie (my formerly 28 lb cat who is now down to a svelte 18) scratching in my bed because he didn’t make it to the litter box. GOOD MORNING! For the past month or two he’s been walking like a little old man, and since he is a 10-year-old cat, I just thought he was getting old. Old I can handle. Incontinent I can’t. We went to the vet that day. I really thought the vet was going to tell me that I was going to have to put him down. He’s my big fat cat. I was heartbroken about it.

Come to find out, he has diabetes. Monday, he went to the vet for his glucose curve test and his blood sugar was down to just over 400 that morning. (Normal is between 80 and 150.) After his insulin, it was down to 218 by the end of the day. So now every morning, I give my cat an insulin shot with his breakfast. He is perkier and after only two days walking a little better.

From this experience, I have a whole other respect for parents. Honestly, Monday when I had to leave him at the vet’s office, I felt like I was leaving a piece of myself there. I know intellectually that he is a pet not a child. I know there is no real comparison in the two, and I treat him as a very spoiled pet and not as a child. But as I drove away, I had a small inkling of what parents of sick children must feel as they drive away from the hospital leaving their child behind in the care of doctors.

Last night I went to dinner with a bunch of folks who are working reporters and some students after an association meeting. We were talking about many different subjects and gyms and trainers came up. I was talking about mine and how I’m working toward the wedding. Male Reporter, MR, asked what color my dress was going to be. I had been joking about being a hobbit brides maid since I’ll be the shortest person there. When I told him purple, he pointed out to me that I wouldn’t be a hobbit, I’d be the Barney brides maid. Great. Just great. As if my concerns about looking fat weren’t already solidified enough, I now have to worry about looking like Barney! I guess I could just walk down the aisle humming “I love you, You love me, we’re a happy family…” Nah.

It also looks as if the bride’s stepmonster won’t be making an appearance at the wedding. As I mentioned in the last post, P’s aunts and grandparents had a very informal backyard dinner party for P & M when they were here. P’s father and stepmonster weren’t invited. (I can say monter because I’ve known her for over 20 years and she is just about the definition of the evil step mother in that she is two-faced and moody and has done everything in her power to put a wedge between P and her Father for the entire time.) It was a family gathering (P’s Mom, and her parents and sisters) and the Father and Stepmonster aren’t a part of that family. Heck, for the better part of the past few years, Father and Stepmonster haven’t been speaking to P because of various and a sundry perceived slights and insults. Now, because they “aren’t wanted anyway”, Stepmonster is most likely not going to come to the wedding.

Ahh, drama. It is amazing how it follows some people around and how another creates it when life suddenly isn’t all about her any longer.