Always a Bride's Maid...

I have a ticket and a dress

2006-06-17T22:21:00.000-05:00

Now all I need is for it to be July.

I picked up my dress on Tuesday and I got my airline tickets to northern Cal on Friday. I have my first fitting for my dress Tuesday. My how time flies. It is a little under six weeks until the wedding and I feel like it was only yesterday that P and I were thinking what if M proposes. I really am excited for her. I thought at one point that I would be more jealous of her since she is getting what I want. I mean, she wanted it to, but there is no jealousy. I am honestly just happy for her. Who knew!

You're always 17 in your hometown...

2006-06-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

I went back to my hometown this weekend for the "official" engagement party and the bridal shower. It is amazing the looks I got. It was funny because people looked at me and recognized me and it was as if I belonged. Then it was as if they realized that I had been gone for a long time -- since high school. I have no family left there and haven't been back "home" in probably 15 years. That is when people did the double-take and frown at me.

It is so strange how so much has changed and yet so much is still the same. The faces were the same -- older and a little heavier -- and the trees were bigger, but for the most part it was the same. Then as you look closer, nothing is the same. You really can't go home again.

Once everyone got over the shock of seeing me, it was a great visit. I got to see a lot of the folks who made such an impression on me and had a hand in making me the person I am today. The bridal shower was a cross section of my life in school from elementary through high school. My very favorite teacher ever was even there and I got to give her a big hug and say thank you -- and apologize for being such a brat in class.

Yes, Stepmonster was there and was in fine form. She was highly medicated so she was actually bearable. P and I were discussing it and she looks plastic. We think she has had some serious work done to her face. She couldn't frown! Don't get me wrong, I'd have work done if I had the money. I would just hope that I would have a better surgeon.

More later. It is late and I'm tired.

That which I fear the most...

2006-06-01T13:35:00.000-05:00

It sucks to suddenly see yourself as – or have the realization that you might become – that which you fear the most.

Mr. Maybe that I went out with Tuesday night turned out to be a dud. Not him personally. We had a great dinner and great conversation with the dinner. We talked about family and our dreams for the future and our pasts and just about everything you can think of to talk about on a first date/blind date. (Meeting people from eHarmony is like a blind date because other than what you know about them from online and talking to them, you’ve never met them.) I didn’t hear from him yesterday. I didn’t really expect to, to be honest. But, I did send him a quick little e-mail thanking him for dinner and that I would be open to seeing him again. I got an e-mail from him today saying that he didn’t think it would work out because he doesn’t like cats.

That is when it hit me. I’m becoming that which I fear the most – the old spinster woman with the cats. Okay, I realize that at 35 in the year 2006, I’m hardly a spinster and that contrary to the 1986 Newsweek article, I’m not more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to marry after 30. (Newsweek did rethink the whole thing and you can read about it here.) But still, Mr. Maybe didn’t want to date me because I own cats. I also got a match yesterday who said that he didn’t like cats and basically that “those with cats need not apply.” I suddenly had a strange glimpse into my future of coming home to the cats and an otherwise empty house, picking up my crochet, and settling in for an evening of television. Oh, wait, that is my life now.

I have friends. I go out. I am not a total hermit. You can’t tell me that I need to get out more. I do go out when I have opportunity. I don’t like the bar scene. It was fun at 21, but not so much now. When I do go to the bar or club, it is usually not to troll for men, but rather to see a specific band or meet up with people.

I belong to, and attend fairly regularly, a church in the area. I meet people through that also, but most of the “single” people are divorced and older so I don’t have much in common with them.

I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to be the old spinster lady with cats. That is why I am on eHarmony and I go out and everything else. I just don’t know what else to do. I sound whiny. I am right now because I'm a little hurt that he "broke up" with me via e-mail (chicken shit way out if you ask me). Tomorrow I will be better. In general, I have a pretty great life. I have great friends and a very patient family who love me even single. I joke about being my niece and nephews favorite aunt so they will take care of me when I'm old and infirm. I want it to be a joke, anyway. Days like today make me wonder.

My very first meme...

2006-05-31T14:08:00.000-05:00

I feel so officially bloggish! To be honest, when I got tagged for this meme, I was a little intimidated. After all, my sister the librarian tagged me. I have to be honest, I don’t read nearly as much as I should or used to simply because of time constraints in my life now. Someday (soon) I hope the time constraints will be lifted and I’ll have time to really read. For the time being, I read fluff – pure brain candy – because I have to think enough in my real life!

So…

1. The three most influential books in my life are:

Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
This was an influential book simply because it was the first challenged book I ever read and I read it because I was told not to. It was the book that above all has made me think about what causes people to challenge books.
The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorn
This was first read as a class assignment when I was a freshman in high school many, many years ago. I reread it a few years ago and it was interesting to read it with the eyes and experiences of an adult. It was influential because it made me realize how much society has changed and it made me sad because high school freshmen today wouldn’t see a big deal with what Hester Prynne did.
The Left Behind Series by Tim Lahay and Jerry B. Jenkins
This series, while not necessarily great literature, did make me think about what and how I believe about the end times.

2. Three books I’ve read more than once.

The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The 3 longer novels in the Anita Blake series
What Dreams May Come by Richard Matheson

3. Three great books I personally hated.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee Hate may be too strong of a word here, but it wasn’t one of my favorites. I know it is a great work of literature and has a wonderful story and moral, but I just didn’t like it! (Sorry, Carrie.)
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
I know, I know, but it was pure torture to me!
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
I see a Steinbeck pattern forming here.

4. Three pure pleasures.

The Anita the Vampire Slayer series by Laurell K. Hamilton. (Falls into the pure fluff category. This is my current book obsession and also part of the reason I hate series of books and waiting for the next one to come out.)
Chick Lit
Sci-Fi or Fantasy novels

5. Three great books I should have read but haven’t yet.

For Whom the Bell Tolls by Earnest Hemmingway
Or really anything by Hemmingway. I have started FWTBT, but I’ve never finished it. I should.
The Harry Potter series. And I plan to when she finishes it. There is nothing more infuriating and frustrating to me than to have to wait six months to a year between books in a series.
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

I could actually list many, many more. It is embarrassing how many classic works of literature I’ve not read.

6. The last three books I ordered. (Since I don’t generally order books, I go to the bookstore instead, I’ll list those. Hey, where else can you eat a Rice Krispy treat the size of your head and drink a cup of way overpriced coffee?)

The Last Boleyn by Karen Harper (Initially published as Passion’s Reign.)
Micah by Laurell K. Hamilton
12 Choose Your Own Adventure books for my roommate’s classroom. (I did order these -- Or rather won them off of eBay.)

The question is who to tag now. I don’t know if there are actually any “regular” readers of my blog to tag. So, I’ll tag Princess Mindy and hope for the best.

Happy Summer Everyone!

2006-05-30T11:56:00.000-05:00

Well, summer is officially here, I guess. I had the day off yesterday and worked my tail off doing laundry and planting flowers in the bed by the walk. It was a great day, overall.

Next weekend is the “official” engagement party and P’s bridal shower. The ladies throwing the shower graciously invited me to be a hostess. Basically, I’m a hostess in name only. Since I live five hours away, I don’t get to help with the preparations. Bummer. The lady I’ve spoken to on the phone said that I would get to take down everything that P gets at the shower. Well, since I’m the MOH, I’d have probably done that anyway! Oh well, I really do appreciate the fact that they are including me in the shower.

On to other life news... I got ANOTHER new trainer. Old guy trainer got a job offer in another state and he moved. I met with him exactly twice and he cancelled once. Oh well. New trainer is nice, but I’m not sure how I’m going to like him. It is hard to tell after one session, I guess. Then again, maybe the third time is the charm. I don’t have a clever nickname for him yet, either. That will have to come with time, I guess.

I am meeting a new Mr. Maybe guy from eHarmony tonight. I was just anxious before, but now I’m downright nervous. I missed his call last night. (No, it wasn’t the make him sweat and not answer the phone game, either. I was legitimately not available.) I called him back and he missed my call, so I e-mailed him this morning to confirm where we are meeting, etc. He responded to the e-mail almost immediately. I don’t quite know what to think about that. I am a girl after all and I can totally overthink this entire thing. For that matter, I probably will! I seem to easily forget, since it has been so long since I’ve dated, that men are generally simple creatures who tend to not put hidden meanings into everything like girls tend to do. At least, that is what someone who dates regularly told me. I will just have to go with that assumption/information for now since I have little personal knowledge.

Maxie is going to be fine...

2006-05-24T15:26:00.000-05:00

In case anyone is wondering, Maxie is doing fine. He went back to the vet on Tuesday and had a second glucose curve. Doc said that his blood sugar was going much lower and that he's where he thought he'd be in about six months not a week. So, instead of upping his dose right now, we're leaving it the same -- 1cc of insulin every morning. He is down to 17 pounds and is getting so thin! I kind of miss my big-fat-kitty. He feels so light when I pick him up.

In other news, I am getting yet another trainer. I had to leave girl trainer because our schedules didn't match. I was bummed about that because I really liked her! I got as a replacement Old Guy Trainer. He has been a trainer for 34 years. I told him when we met that he's been a trainer as long as I've been alive! NOTE: When someone has the ability to cause you great pain and you are paying them to do so, don't insult them before your session starts. So, now I'm getting another new trainer. I haven't met him yet, I only know his name. I hope he's good!

Not much else in the world of this maid of honor. I've often joked that if I had a stalker, he'd be a sad, bored little man. Heck, he could go on vacation and not miss anything! Oh well. There is something to be said for the comfort of routine.

In other news... (and some wedding stuff, too)

2006-05-17T11:42:00.000-05:00

Life has been crazy in the past week. Last Thursday morning, I woke up to Maxie (my formerly 28 lb cat who is now down to a svelte 18) scratching in my bed because he didn’t make it to the litter box. GOOD MORNING! For the past month or two he’s been walking like a little old man, and since he is a 10-year-old cat, I just thought he was getting old. Old I can handle. Incontinent I can’t. We went to the vet that day. I really thought the vet was going to tell me that I was going to have to put him down. He’s my big fat cat. I was heartbroken about it.

Come to find out, he has diabetes. Monday, he went to the vet for his glucose curve test and his blood sugar was down to just over 400 that morning. (Normal is between 80 and 150.) After his insulin, it was down to 218 by the end of the day. So now every morning, I give my cat an insulin shot with his breakfast. He is perkier and after only two days walking a little better.

From this experience, I have a whole other respect for parents. Honestly, Monday when I had to leave him at the vet’s office, I felt like I was leaving a piece of myself there. I know intellectually that he is a pet not a child. I know there is no real comparison in the two, and I treat him as a very spoiled pet and not as a child. But as I drove away, I had a small inkling of what parents of sick children must feel as they drive away from the hospital leaving their child behind in the care of doctors.

Last night I went to dinner with a bunch of folks who are working reporters and some students after an association meeting. We were talking about many different subjects and gyms and trainers came up. I was talking about mine and how I’m working toward the wedding. Male Reporter, MR, asked what color my dress was going to be. I had been joking about being a hobbit brides maid since I’ll be the shortest person there. When I told him purple, he pointed out to me that I wouldn’t be a hobbit, I’d be the Barney brides maid. Great. Just great. As if my concerns about looking fat weren’t already solidified enough, I now have to worry about looking like Barney! I guess I could just walk down the aisle humming “I love you, You love me, we’re a happy family…” Nah.

It also looks as if the bride’s stepmonster won’t be making an appearance at the wedding. As I mentioned in the last post, P’s aunts and grandparents had a very informal backyard dinner party for P & M when they were here. P’s father and stepmonster weren’t invited. (I can say monter because I’ve known her for over 20 years and she is just about the definition of the evil step mother in that she is two-faced and moody and has done everything in her power to put a wedge between P and her Father for the entire time.) It was a family gathering (P’s Mom, and her parents and sisters) and the Father and Stepmonster aren’t a part of that family. Heck, for the better part of the past few years, Father and Stepmonster haven’t been speaking to P because of various and a sundry perceived slights and insults. Now, because they “aren’t wanted anyway”, Stepmonster is most likely not going to come to the wedding.

Ahh, drama. It is amazing how it follows some people around and how another creates it when life suddenly isn’t all about her any longer.

I like Mike!

2006-05-10T11:57:00.000-05:00

This was written Monday and I've just been lax about getting it posted...

Well, lots and lots to tell.

My sister C came to town this weekend and we spent all day Friday shopping. We got cut outfits for a Kentucky Derby party we were going to on Saturday. I got my MOH dress. Well, I ordered it. It will be in in six weeks and then I’ll have to have it altered. I got my shoes. They are strappy silver heels with rhinestones on the straps. They are really cute.

Then Friday night, the most exciting thing happened. C and I met P and M down at the Stockyards in Ft. Worth. P wanted him to experience something “quintessentially Texan” and corny so where else would we go? Billy Bobs! It was fun – a little dead, but fun. I finally got to meet M in other words! I love him. No, seriously, I wanted to not like him for lots of selfish reasons, but I couldn’t. He is a great guy. Totally an engineer and reminds me of my man-child of a brother-in-law (C’s husband, P). But all-in-all a wonderful guy and I get it now. He won me over when the first thing he did was completely not act awkward and gave me a big hug when we met. There was no formal handshake and awkwardness, just a hug like he knows I’m important to P and therefore I’m important to him.

Saturday, we went to the Derby party at one of her friend’s house. It was great. We all sat around and ate and visited and wore our big hats and drank mint juleps. Then, we cheered our horses on for the entire two minutes of the race (2:01 to be exact) then ate and visited some more.

After the Derby party we went to P’s Granny & Papa’s house for dinner with the family. Totally informal type dinner in the backyard. We had fajitas and margaritas and wine and lots of great conversation. Again, can I just say that I really liked Mike. He is just a great guy. I know, I know. I’m gushing, but he was totally not what I expected and everything that I expected. P, in the past, has tended to date the looker guys. I’m not saying that M is ugly at all. He’s just not the typical guy that P meets and dates. I guess that is why this is the one she’s marrying!!

Be Careful Out There...

2006-05-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

Can you believe this story!? There was a Maid of Honor shot as she went for the bridal bouquet! See, it is all the more reason to just sit back and relax during the bouquet toss!

94 days to go...

2006-04-24T10:21:00.000-05:00

My the things that are happening in Wedding World. Really, there isn’t much going on. Life has taken over for everyone involved, I’m afraid. There are e-mails flying about a bachelorette party, though. All of P’s girls (bridesmaids and friends) are brainstorming for the best way to celebrate the upcoming nuptials. Things as exotic as a weekend scavenger hunt in Vegas to a low-key slumber party have been suggested. Honestly, the Vegas trip, while it sounds fun, is SO not P. The slumber party or a spa night or something like that is totally P. I don’t think I’ll have to, but I will put my foot down against anything crass or tasteless. (There will be no penis cakes or pacifiers or glasses or condoms attached to a fake wedding veil at my best friend’s bachelorette party!) Things to make the bride giggle and blush, those are to be expected. Crass and tasteless is out! We’ll see how it goes. To be honest, I don’t think it will be a problem.

Alright bloggers, if anyone has any good ideas for a party for P, let me know. I want something memorable and tasteful and above all, fun!

Oh goodness! I just called an Alfred Angelo studio in the area and I am so glad I did. I was thinking about a six week lead-time on ordering my dress. Try TEN to TWELVE! In other words, I have got to get my ample booty down to the dress shop and get one ordered! Um, yikes! Do you think it is possible to drop 50 pounds in one week!? Actually, it is. Pick up a third grader and drop him! (Kidding, just kidding.) So, it looks as if I am going to order my dress on Friday, May 5! I have an appointment at 11:00 a.m. on the fifth and so I’ll order the dress then. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go get my shoes. I’m going with a strappy silver heel. Something cute and danceable.

My how time flies. It seems like only yesterday when P and I were on the phone planning what to do “if” M proposed….

Wedding Holding Pattern...

2006-04-13T08:46:00.000-05:00

By that, I don't mean that the wedding is on hold. It is quite the opposite, really. I think that P has things well in hand and now it is just the waiting until closer to the wedding to do the things that need to be done.

Life goes on...

2006-04-06T10:06:00.000-05:00

It has been a really crappy week. I know I've complained about the toe and how I broke it. Well, Sunday, I dropped a box on it at work and the corner hit RIGHT on the part that I broke. I realize it has been three weeks and even I thought it should be healed more, but the pain that shot up my leg was awful. Then worse was the dull ache that was left and all the while I had to smile and be cheerful and try to make little kids laugh for the camera.

Monday was a typical Monday.

Tuesday, I rearended a lady and her kids on the way to work. The road I was on is notorious for accidents because it is a little farm to market road that isn't equipped to handle the amount of traffic that it has to handle now that the area I live in has become the "it" place to move to. All in all, cue the meltdown. I hit kids. My biggest fear in life is hurting a child. Now, no one was injured. My car looks a little worse for the wear, but insurance will fix that.

Tuesday night I was talking to P on the phone and another friend called. He'd left a cryptic message on my cell phone about radiation therapy really taking it out of him and how he's having to be a "good boy" and stay out of the sun until his treatments are over. (Sorry P, W and I talked on the phone for about 2 hours and I didn't get you called back.) Come to find out, he's having some pretty serious medical issues and didn't want to "worry" me. (Hello, W, have you not known me for 10 years and know that I worry whether you want me to or not. It is part of my charm!)

Wednesday, I am about to take my car to the body shop so they can look it over and a) make sure it really is fit to drive and b) decide how long it will take to fix it. The lady who works in the office next door comes in and says that my rear, driver's side tire is flat. I've picked up a nail. (Another side effect of living in the "it" area to move to with all of the new construction.) I am perfectly capable of changing the flat (thank you, Daddy) and I go out to change it. I can't get the lug nuts off. No guys are in my office that day to help. I just wanted to sit down and cry. Fortunately the mortgage banker that works a couple of buildings over (my office is in a little strip mall type office complex) came to my rescue. I asked if he could loosen the lug nuts for me. He changed the whole tire for me. He even had gloves and a real tire iron. Bless his heart.

Now it is Thursday and I just want this week to be over.

I just don't get it...

2006-03-29T10:12:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: This is NOT, I repeat NOT, a reflection on P, my best friend and the person for whom I am the Maid of Honor. Any similarities to events surrounding P & M's wedding is unintentional and purely accidental. No, seriously, she isn't a bridezilla!

There are so many things about weddings that I don't get. Why a bride goes apeshit in the weeks before the wedding. Why if things aren't perfect some brides think it is the end of the world. Why are things like cutesy little scrolls and bubbles and the like necessary. Isn't the whole point of the day to bring two people together in front of witnesses? Does it really matter if the liner down the aisle is wrinkled or the flower girl didn't drop the flowers in a perfect pattern? Isn't the end result the same. The bride and groom are married at the end of the day whether things are 'perfect' or not.

Don't get me wrong. I understand the desire to throw a good party. I have planned enough events and had things go horribly wrong to the point that I've wanted to ( and had to fight the very strong urge to) choke people, any people, who got in my way. Still, at the end of the day when the party/event/meeting is over, most people don't realize anything really went wrong.

I was watching a show on WE called Bridezillas the other day and one of the brides had a complete and total meltdown over the fact that one of her nine bridesmaids got a haircut that she, the bride, didn't like. Come on! It is her, the bridesmaid's, hair. So what if she got it cut and now all nine bridesmaids can't look like clones going up the aisle. What does it matter? There was a bride who had a meltdown and called the police because the rental car had a flat. No one's fault. They came to fix it and she went nuts because it was her big day and they were ruining it. She actually called the police, the rental car people were asked to leave and the tire didn't get fixed.

I guess my lack of understanding comes with my desire to look at a bigger picture. I try really hard to look for the bigger picture in life and not focus too much on the nitpicky details. Or maybe it is the fact that I've been to so many weddings and seen them from the inside and I've seen all the things that can go wrong (and right) at a wedding.

Still, at the end of the day, two people have pledged to love and cherish one another and will (hopefully) live happily ever after. Isn't the ever after part the important part, not the ceremony. Isn't the ceremony just one hour (more or less) of one day of the rest of your life? Shouldn't the most important day be not the day of the wedding, but every single day after that?

Life rolls on...

2006-03-28T08:54:00.000-06:00

It seems that P has things well in hand as far as the wedding is concerned. I think she has just about everything done except the things that have to be done closer to the date. She even has her invites already. Showers are now being planned and as the MOH, I'll get to be involved in at least one of them. (I didn't think I would get to be because they are going to be held far away from me.) Well, two if you count the one I'm planning to throw her in lieu of a bachelorette party. I need to contact the two bridesmaids to see what they think and if they want to help plan it -- especially since they are at least in the same state as P!

In case anyone wonders, my toe is much better. It only hurts now if I forget it's injured and do something stupid like squat down and put a lot of weight on it. (Yes, I have done just that and promptly fell over and made the people standing around me panic.) I go back to see girl trainer tonight. I have got to get back into "food is bad if I am going to fit into a smaller bridesmaid dress" mode. (Don't anyone panic, I'm not going to stop eating. My hiney didn't get this big by my not eating and it won't get smaller if I stop completely. I know that.) Between my birthday and my toe, I've gotten out of that mode and into "food yummy food who needs exercise" mode. I know, I know excuses are weak. I have to make up my mind to do it and just do it. But... Okay, no buts. I have to do it. I am going to do it.

I have right at four months before the wedding and I need to really not look like the short, fat bridesmaid. I am, afterall, the only single one and while there will be other single gals attending the wedding, I am the only one in the purple (victorian lilac) bridesmaid dress. I am the only single girl that will be standing in front of the crowd for all to see. More eyes will be on P, but I'll be standing next to her and I get to hold her bouquet and give M's ring to her and all that stuff, so people will notice me. I mean, at least at both of my sisters' weddings, I was the last bridesmaid and just had to stand there far away from all the action, barely being noticed during the ceremony. (Not a bad thing.)

And the wedding band played on...

2006-03-22T10:06:00.000-06:00

Okay, this whole wedding thing is rolling right along. P has her dress (see previous post), a string trio has been selected to play the ceremony, the site has been chosen, the bridesmaid dress designer has been chosen, I've chosen the style of dress I want from the choices, I've been to try them on (last weekend with the broken toe and boot). So much has been done! I am debating putting the pics Moma took while I was trying on dresses here to show what they looked like. The only problem is that I looked awful that day. Maybe I will, but it will have to be a post all unto itself. Let's just put it this way. The name of the bridal shop was "Little Mexico House of Brides."

P called last night and she got a call from David's Bridal. She won a spa day for her and her wedding party. She said her first thought was "wow, I never win anything, cool!" and then immediately "I wish I had my maid of honor here." The MOH wishes she were there, too. She could use a spa day! Oh well. I guess I'll just have to have a spa day here. I don't know when, but I most decidedly need a pedicure! My toes are NOT spring ready.

I found the cutest thing at Barnes & Noble the other day. (P, If you're reading this now and haven't gotten the package yet, skip to the next paragraph.) It is a scrap book similar to a baby book for couples. All those things you say you're going to remember forever but don't, you can put them in the book. It has things like where your first kiss was, were you went on your first date, how you met, etc. I had to get it for her. I thought it was too cool to pass up. Besides, it was on clearance since the store is closing. (Those who think B&N is the root of all evil, don't get too excited. It is moving to a new, larger location.)

Okay, P you can read again. I'll keep thinking about posting the pictures of me in the tops.

In Other News...

2006-03-20T08:42:00.000-06:00

So much is going on with the wedding right now, but so much is going on in the Texas Panhandle (where I'm from and where I still call home) with all the fires, it seems silly to rant about finding the perfect bridesmaid dress and the search this weekend for it. So, for just this one post, you-all get to see the more serious me.

At last total, over 840,000 acres burned. Along with that went livestock, houses, cars, and unfortunately people. At least 10,000 head of livestock were killed and those who survived need food because often, the barn that held the hay burned to the ground and the rangeland they grazed on has been burned.

As an article in the Amarillo paper put it, the fire took on a life of its own and took the lives and livlihoods of many with it.

I could go on with numbers and statistics, but my sister Carrie put it so eloquently that I'm going to just link to her blog and let you read her post. Say a prayer for those affected. They need it right now.

Now I'm going to whine....

2006-03-14T10:32:00.000-06:00

I broke my toe on Saturday night at about 3 a.m.

I broke my big toe on my right foot and I was sober. Heck, I hadn't even gone out Saturday night.

I did a doozie on it and all I did was fall down. There was no trippng, no kicking the wall in frustration or anger or anything else.

I simply fell down and all of my body weight (and there's quite a bit of it) went into my right big toe.

I went to the emergency room on Sunday and they x-rayed it. It is broken. I have a lovely boot that I *get* to wear for the next couple of weeks until it is healed enough to put shoes back on. Other than that, I just get to whine a lot.

I now have more sympathy for my BIL who kicked a case and hurt his. See.

I had to cancel with the trainer for the next couple of weeks so I'm going to have to double-up after I'm better. In the mean time, I'm doing yoga and the balance ball so that I'm at least doing SOMETHING because I don't want to ever fall and have this much weight directed toward any other body part!

What happens when you're far apart...

2006-03-13T10:42:00.000-06:00

It seems that what I was envisioning and what P was saying weren't the same.

I talked with P on Sunday and I think I was making her wedding a lot more formal that what she's actually planning. So, instead of a formal wedding that I was thinking, it is going to be more like a cocktail party. Now the short dress makes sense! (This is my "ah-ha moment" for the week!)

If you're the groom, turn away now...

2006-03-10T08:13:00.000-06:00

Wow, so much has happened. P has her dress. I met with girl trainer. I've talked to P about half a dozen times planning and plotting -- it never fails that when we get together, it sounds more like plotting to do things than planning!

I'll start with her dress. It is gorgeous, I think, and I think P will make a lovely bride in it! (Of course, I think she'd probably look great in just about anything she wore. She tends to be able to wear clothes instead of them wearing her. In other words, she almost always looks great!)

Here is the dress. Now, I realize the model looks like Carol Kane in Taxi, but look at the dress, not the model...

Obligatory notice of where the dress came from: And if you are looking for your dress and would like to see the entire collection, you can find this dress and many others at Casa Bridal.

Anyway, I love the dress. I can't wait to see it in person.

Speaking of dresses. Now, I do realize that all eyes are going to be on her. She'll be the one in the big white dress. But I still want to look good and I think my idea of good and her idea of what I'll look good in are a little different. So, I have made the decision to wear a short dress. Something in a tea-length persuasion, maybe. I don't think I can do knee length. I have pudgy knees. No, seriously, I have knee pudge on the inside of each knee! Even my thin sister has it, so it must be a genetic thing. Still, not attractive in knee length dresses. I wonder if there is an exercise you could do for that. Hmmm. I'll have to ask girl trainer.

Speaking of girl trainer, I met with her for the first time Tuesday. I'll reserve judgment for the time being. Maybe it just takes a bit for her to warm up to people. She actually asked me if I wanted to work out, though. Isnt' that the reason I'm there? I don't know. We worked on arms and shoulders and chest. As I was working my chest, all I kept thinking was when Ren (or was it Stimpy) from the old Ren & Stimpy cartoon would go on about having "huge pectoral muscles." She didn't seem the type to appreciate that kind of humor, so I kept it to myself. My arms and chest and shoulders were all shaky and sore, but by today, they are fine. I think that is a good thing.

There is so much more going on. I guess I should be better about writing this thing so that the posts aren't so long. I'll try. That is my March resolution -- to blog more often!

Hunky, young trainer says...

2006-03-01T13:31:00.000-06:00

I went to the gym last night and met with hunky, young trainer and he said I'm not in as bad a shape as I thought and that once I lose the layer of fat over my muscles (at that point I thought to myself "what muscles") I'll be in great shape! My next thought was "doesn't that describe 99% of the population?" Anyway, he worked me out emphasizing my abs so breathing is a little tough today. So is laughing and talking and moving in general. But it's a good pain.... sure.

OH! As we got started, he was asking me my reasons for wanting to work out with a trainer and all that. Then he asked if I joined the gym with anyone. I said just me. He asked if my Husband knew I had a trainer. I must have looked puzzled as I said I wasn't married because he went on to explain that he has women that sign up without their husbands' knowledge and the husband then comes after him or whomever the male trainer is. Um, yikes! He said it had happened more than once to several of the trainers. How funny/sad is that!?

Unfortunately hunky, young trainer won't be my permanant trainer. I'm pretty bummed. Anywho, I made a standing apointment with a trainer for Tuesdays with my new trainer Toni. That is short for Antonia and she is a tri-athlete. I'm not sure how I feel about a female trainer, but I'm going to give it a try.

In more wedding-y wedding news. It looks as if P has found a dress or at least a dress style that she likes. If she sticks with that style, the bridesmaid dresses are going to have to be pretty formal. Then again, it is a Friday night wedding, so after six attire is appropriate. I think I've decided I want a long dress as opposed to the ones that come to the knee. The ones that come to the knee are cute and all, but I think I don't want to go for cute as much as stop the room gorgeous. I know, I know. Everyone is supposed to be looking at the bride because it's her day and all, but she's getting married, ergo, she is off the market. I am not getting married, am not married and would like to someday be married. Ergo, I want to look (as Paris Hilton so aptly puts it) HOT! Besides, I'll be the shortest one at the alter, so everyone will be looking at me anyway because I'll stand out. The Hobbit bridesmaid. That will be me! But, with the help of the trainer, I'll be the HOT Hobbit bridesmaid!

The e-mails of proposed bridesmaid dresses and colors and styles are flying. I think I'm going to end up wearing a different color dress than the other two bridesmaids. I hope it's a darker shade of whatever they wear. I look better in darker colors. She also suggested a green color. That would be great. There are very few shades of green that I don't look good in. Again, I know, I know. It isn't about me. But in this blog, it is all me!!!

For tomorrow we die - t...

2006-02-27T14:03:00.000-06:00

As I've said before, I'm going to lose weight and look good for this wedding. I'm doing the Weight Watchers points counting thing and I'm losing a little weight doing that. Actually, I'd lose more if I followed it more closely on weekends, but life is hectic on weekends. So, for the time being, I'm losing about a pound a week on average. That isn't enough. Especially since for every 2 pounds I seem to lose, I gain one. I realize that the net is still negative, but I want the tummy GONE!

Last Friday I made an appointment with a trainer at my gym. I know there are probably lots of you out there have a membership like mine. Basically, I pay a monthly fee to say I belong to a gym but never use it. Hey, I have the cute little keychain thing and everything. Well, Friday I couldn't go becuase I left town to go see my neice and nephew and grandparents. Dodged that bullet and stepped in front of a firing squad, I'm afraid because hunky, young trainer, said that we could reschedule and that since I gave him 36 hour's notice of cancellation, he wouldn't go too hard on me. I'm afraid. Very afraid.

On a happier note, I got cute new shoes to go to the gym in and I'll get more workout gear as I actually start to work out. Hey, you never know. There might be someone at the gym that is cute and single and I want to look my best.

That leads me to my current epiphany. It is a long, long, very boring drive home to see the kids and grandparents with nothing to do but think because there is little on the radio and no cell service -- about 5 hours either direction. I have decided to not always be the bridesmaid. I want to actually get to be the bride. That involves a little effort on my part. I seriously doubt I'm going to meet Mr. Right at the portrait studio on the weekend, I work mainly alone during the week and the only guys at my school are gay or married. (No kidding...) This only leaves the gym and when I'm out grocery shopping or other stuff like that. Well, since the sum total amount of time I spend at those places is not much, I'm also a member of eHarmony. I'm always hearing about folks who met there and so I'm giving it a serious try. I tried some of the other dating sites, but I didn't like them. Besides, it is where P & M met so maybe it'll work for me too!

Boys need dresses, too?

2006-02-23T14:24:00.000-06:00

Okay, okay. I know some of you won't find this nearly as funny as I did, but check out this photo I found of a wedding dress. I swear, I think the model is a man. Check out the Adam's apple on the dude! The picture below I found on The Knot website and the picture on the right was on her website!

To be fair, and so people don't come after me for using copyrighted stuff without putting a link or giving them their proper credit, this is a gown by Atelier Elén Paumere Couture. Check it out. She actually has some really pretty stuff. I question her choice of model, but some of the gowns aren't half bad.

Then again, this dress falls under the WTF category!

Again, to give the designer credit (or blame), it is part of the Kleinfeld Collection.

Both dresses, and many, many more, can be found at The Knot website (see links) if you're curious.

We have a bride, a groom and a date...

2006-02-23T08:23:00.000-06:00

Yep, you heard right. P has finally found her dream location and didn't have to "settle" for somewhere else. The Date has been set! Now the fun begins in earnest.

Colors have to be selected...

Dresses have to be picked...

Menus have to be set...

This is going to be so much fun!

Now I just need a date...

2006-02-20T20:46:00.000-06:00

Well, that has a double meaning, but in this case, it actually means that P & M have the place. They are just waiting to see when the place is available. We've talked on the phone several times making plans and I offer advice. I've been to so many weddings that I can answer just about every question she has. My biggest word of advice to any bride... get the best photographer you can. At the end of the wedding, you'll have two things -- your groom/bride and your pictures. Very few of the brides or grooms have many memories of the day because there so many things going on and they are nervous and anxious and there is so much adrenaline that the day rushes by and there are very few very clear memories. A good photographer will capture the day and fill in the gaps in their memories.

::::Photography plug over::::

Also, a word to all those grooms out there who have no idea what it costs to put on a wedding, please listen when the bride says that you are nuts when you think that "that much" should be plenty. Before you say anything, multiply your estimate by 4 and then you'll be closer to the rough estimate.

But, now that they have the place and the groom has a better idea as to what the whole thing will cost, headway has been made. Yeah!!

It is good to be needed...

2006-02-15T12:41:00.000-06:00

It is good to know that the bride wishes I were there as much as I wish I were there.

P called today and is getting a little frustrated already with the whole planning process. This place comes with tables, chairs, linens, and catering but no cake. Another place might come with tables and no chairs, catering and a cake. While yet another place has everything and valet parking but costs $10,000 to rent. I'm telling you, barefoot on a beach somewhere is looking better and better to her! If we could only convince the groom...

I've really started this time...

2006-02-08T10:34:00.000-06:00

I've actually started the weight loss thing this time. I'm using the Weight Watchers points system this time. Last time I lost weight I tried South Beach and I didn't really like it much because I always felt "deprived" of things. So, I've started. I will start the exercise part (the hard part for me to start) soon.

P and M are now thinking of a Friday evening wedding. I think that would be absolutely cool. Friday evening at the vineyard. A dessert reception with the centerpiece dessert being, of course, the wedding and groom's cake. (For those not familiar with the groom's cake. It is, I've discovered, a southern tradition of having a second cake, generally chocolate, at the reception.) M, the groom, had never heard of a groom's cake and said he'd never seen one at a wedding before. P told him that he'd get to see his first one at a wedding and that would be his own wedding. (Way to go P, set down the ground rules early.) :)

I have actually found a style of dress I like -- obviously I'm not buying it yet. P liked it too. We did the over the phone look what I found, go to this website, shopping and planning thing for a bit yesterday. She is a busy bride! I think companies should allow brides to be to have time off to plan the wedding. Make it something like the maternity/paternity leave thing. It seems only fair since they have so much to do and a limited amount of time to get things done! If there are any legislators reading this, keep that in mind in your next election year. I'm sure you would get the bridal block of votes!

Me? An engagement ring...

2006-02-06T22:31:00.000-06:00

Your Engagement Ring

18k White Gold Engraved Cathedral Solitaire Setting

What's Your Engagement Ring?

So, if I were to get a ring, this would be it? Actually, it is pretty similar to something I'd like.

Then again, this one wouldn't be bad...

Your Engagement Ring

Platinum Setting with Round and Baguette Diamond Accents (3/8 ct. tw.)

What's Your Engagement Ring?

Okay, so obviously there isn't much going on the world of P & M's wedding. I did find out that the date is tenative... Time frame is pretty firm, but it is all about "location, location, location."

Confidential to P: Welcome to the blog. Feel free to make any comments you'd like.

Advertisement for Panty Palooza 2006

2006-02-02T15:07:00.000-06:00

It isn't what it sounds like, I promise...

In a break from the bride's maid stuff, please take a look at Mindy's Blog for information on PantyPalooza2006 for her great ideas for Valentine's Day. I'm not big on the day myself, but I know some people are and here ideas make sense AND as a bonus, make it not so Hallmark- y and phony.

{I won't go off on my tangent about the commercialism and fakeness of the day... and it has nothing to do with being single.}

Anyway, check it out and let her know if you participate.

A MoH's work is never done...

2006-02-02T08:37:00.000-06:00

Talk about busy. This is what it is "traditional" for the MoH to do at least according to Bridesmaid 101. (See Link to the right.) If I had the time (and was closer and able to do everything listed here) it would be a full-time job! Although, the majority of it is shopping and talking. Hum, shopping and visiting with my best friend... I could go for that!

Maid of Honor Duties: As the Maid of Honor, you have one of the most important roles in making sure the bride's and groom's wedding is a success. Many times the groom will not help out as much as the bride would like which is why your role is so important! Below we have listed some of the top maid of honor duties to make the process more manageable and creative:

Pre Wedding
1. Help in going with the bride to look at different locations for the wedding.
2. Help the bride choose her wedding invitations as well as possibly address the invitations if she needs your support.
3. If the bride needs help in ordering and choosing decorations and favors, your opinions may be helpful in making decisions for narrowing down choices and making sure the
decorations are in on time for the wedding, shower and bachelorette parties.
4. Go with the bride when she is shopping for her wedding dress as well as the Bridesmaid Dresses. It is helpful for you to attend the multiple fittings in giving your friend some
feedback in how the dress looks and fits.
5. Many times the groom does not want to go to register with his bride-to-be. You can be very supportive by going with your friend to register for her wedding gifts as well as letting other guests know where the bride and groom are registered.
6. Help the bride in the seating arrangement. Note: It is very helpful to bring this drawing to the wedding just in case there are any mix-ups, you will save the day!
7. Host and Plan the Bridal Shower as well as the Bachelorette Party!
8. Help keep order and organization with the other bridesmaids.
9. Attend and help out during the rehearsal dinner.
10. Field messages for the bride and her family to make sure you are up on any changes (especially if they are last minute changes that affect the other guests).

Wedding Day
1. Make sure the bride arrives to the ceremony and that she has everything on the Maid of Honor Checklist.
2. Assist the bride in getting into her dress and makeup.
3. Be the messenger if the bride wants to communicate messages to the family or groom so you are always up on what is going on.
4. Visit the reception room and party room (if possible) to make sure there are no problems or issues.
5. Help make sure the bride has privacy if she needs some quiet time before the ceremony.
6. Be the witness in the signing of the marriage license which is an honor!
7. Help the bride with her veil and train (if she has one).
8. Be your friend's "right-hand-woman" at the altar. She may be very nervous and you can be the calming source with your presence.
9. Keeper of the brides bouquet during the ceremony.
10. Keeper of the groom's ring.
11. Make a toast and/or speech during the wedding party since it is tradition and most people love hearing these friendship stories!
12. Make sure you lock up the bridal/groom money bag after the bride and groom dance with all of their family and friends so someone does not steal or pick it up by accident.
Last, but not least,
13. Provide moral support and be a great listener throughout the process since it is a very wonderful and "positively" stressful time for your friend. You can really make the difference!

Now the majority of this is just common sense and stuff I'd do anyway. I mean, seriously, "provide moral support" is something I hope I do even when she's not planning a wedding! Isn't that just part of being a good friend?

Now I've seen it all...

2006-02-01T09:54:00.000-06:00

Okay, I understand that some people's pets are like children. Don't get me wrong, I love my cats, but I don't particularly want them at my wedding -- much less participating!

I actually found this while searching for bridesmaid dresses. This is just a little overboard, don't you think. I really feel for this poor animal. I mean, being made to wear a frilly, frou-frou pink dress? I think maybe a simple matte satin number would have been a little more dignified. Poor puppy. I have blacked her eyes to protect what little dignity the poor animal has left. I guess she can be thinkful they didn't put the '80s giant pink hair bow on her head.

Just six months...

2006-01-31T14:46:00.000-06:00

There isn't much going on in my Wild World of Wedding these days. P is just deciding on a vineyard for the wedding. I'm scouring the internet for a dress. (When the time comes, I will go scouring the Metroplex for one, but until then, I just look around via the web.) I guess maybe this is the calm before the storm.

It's hard to believe that just six months ago, P and M met. When she told me about him the very first (okay, maybe second or third) time I knew he was something special. There was just a difference in the way she talked about him. It was a calm I'd neve heard in her voice before when she described a boyfriend. It was kind of neat to hear that.

So, here we are six months later planning a wedding. Wow, the things that change in such a short time. Who knows, maybe I'll have a date for her wedding! Hey, stranger things have happened!

So much to do, so little time...

2006-01-26T12:41:00.000-06:00

Okay. Maybe there isn't "so little time" but remember, we're planning this 1500 miles apart! I just found a website (see links) that lists all of the Maid of Honor (henceforth known as MoH) duties. Gosh, I'm going to be a busy gal! But, I already knew that. The hard part, I think, is going to be doing the things that "traditionally" the MoH does without stepping on any toes, i.e., Mom, Sis, other Bride's Maids.

Except for Mom, everyone else is out there with P. I can't say I'm not a little jealous about that. I want to be there for her the whole time. I want to get to go wedding dress shopping and help with ideas about flowers and everything... I miss P most of the time, but now more than ever. I wish I could meet M. I hope he realizes that he doesn't have any choice but to become my friend, too. I just want her wedding day to be perfect and I feel like I'm not going to get to be involved except in having the title. I guess that is important, because I've known her longer than any of the other BMs (with the obvious exception of Sis). It just doesn't seem fair that they are going to get to do the things I want to do and I should get to do!

::: everyone stop while the MoH has a small pity party for herself :::

Pity party over for now.

Weddings have gone high tech...

2006-01-24T22:31:00.000-06:00

The date has been set. August 5 somewhere in CA. P has count them THREE websites. In all fairness, she's trying them out to see what one she likes the best. And the Maid of Honor has a blog about the wedding. See, weddings have truly entered the 21st century. I wonder if it would be possible to plan an entire wedding via the internet. I'm sure someone has done it.

I am really excited about this wedding. I never thought I'd actually get to be in another wedding because P didn't really want a big wedding but M does so they're going to have a smallish one, I think. But because she didn't want a wedding, I thought I'd be just going to Vegas or some island somewhere. Instead I get to do all the bride's maid things. How cool is that?

Oh, by the way, I didn't start the exercise thing. The upper respiratory infection I had when I found out about P's engagement is holding on and I'm still coughing... darn. Now, I have a date and I have to get my hiney in gear!!

I love the smell of bluebonnets in the spring...

2006-01-20T21:42:00.000-06:00

Whew! Dodged a bullet on this one. P has several dates picked out. One was to have the wedding in mid April so she could get married in the Austin area among the wild flowers and bluebonnets. Darn that drought. There won't be many bluebonnets this year, I'm afraid. The others were both in August and September in Napa Valley, CA. I vote for those (see previous post for reason). My brilliant sister, C, suggested that I suggest having engagement pictures done in the bluebonnets in April. Then I added and suggested to P (a thought she and I had already discussed) having a "meet M" engagement party here in big D so we can all meet the lucky fellow. I think now that this is going to be the plan.

So, the workout plan starts on Monday. I am not looking forward to it, but I've got to lose this butt before I put on any sort of a foofy dress as a bridesmaid. They say a camera adds ten pounds, I think bridesmaid dresses are designed to add at least 30. The bride is supposed to be the one everyone is looking at, but as potentially the only single bridesmaid (there is a chance there will be one other one) hopefully there will be a single guy or two at the wedding who might be looking in my direction. Hmmm... I wonder if it is in poor taste to request that I be 'escorted' by a single guy as opposed to someone married. Hey, a girl has to look out for herself.

I think P has decided on colors. I know her favorite color is purple and so I was a little afraid of the colors she would choose. Don't get me wrong, she has great taste, but there is something that happens when a girl becomes a bride that lessens her ability to make sound color choices. If you don't believe me, go to www.uglydress.com and check out some of the atrocious dresses that people have been forced to paste a smile on and wear! There are some REALLY ugly ones there. All I can say is that there are some really good friends out there.

P is letting me choose my own dress so at least I can pick a flattering style. She wants it to be in a grayish lavender color. I don't think that sounds too bad to be honest. Actually, the whole thing has been kind of fun so far. P an I have gushed and giggled and are making plans and I think it's all going to be okay. Check back in about 4 months and we'll see, I guess.

Let the Weight Loss Begin...

2006-01-18T12:18:00.000-06:00

Okay. Why is it that suddenly I feel the need to lose that extra weight I've been whining about losing for longer than I care to admit? I guess it is time to take the gym membership off of hold and actually USE it? Yuck. Well, since it is Wednesday, maybe I'll start on Monday. That's the new plan. I will start going to the gym on Monday.

P sent pictures of the ring and a photo of M and herself at the "exact spot" the engagement took place and it was taken just a few minutes after he asked. I have to say, the boy did good. The ring is very pretty as far as I can tell from a picture e-mailed to me. Three rows of pave (Pronounced: paw-vay) diamonds and a big, honkin' rock on top. He chose well.

P also sent pictures of wedding dresses she likes. From those I am guessing this is going to be a pretty formal affair. I thought she wanted simple and small. This is why there is the sudden need to lose weight. There isn't a style of bride's maid dress I can think of that looks really good on anyone over a size 8. I hope to be down to a size 10 or 12 by the time this wedding rolls around so that I at least look decent in a fancy schmancy gown.

Yikes. I just had a thought. What is stylish here in Texas may not be quite so hip and happenin' in Northern California. I'll have to ask her about that.

I also need to ask her exactly what she wants me to do. What are my 'official duties'? So many stresses being a bride's maid. At least I'm in a better state of mind than yesterday. I think a lot of the negativity yesterday was the fact that I was sick as a dog all weekend and still felt all yucky Sunday when we talked. Well, that's my story, anyway, and I'm going to stick to it!

So, my current plan of action:
1) lose weight

Okay. So it isn't much, but I've got to start somewhere. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.

And the Award Goes to...

2006-01-17T13:03:00.000-06:00

NOTE: I was SICK when I found out and therefore overly whiney and emotional.

I guess it was appropriate that I should find out my best friend is getting married on the day the awards season kicked off. By the time this wedding happens in July or August, I have a feeling I am going to have logged enough acting hours to qualify for my SAG card and earn nominations for various awards. Let’s see, is there a category for Best Portrayal of a Happy Bridesmaid? Maybe that would just fall under the category of Best Supporting Actress.

So, this will be trip number three down the aisle for me. Most likely it will be my last one. Both sisters are married now. They were trips one and two. Now, my best friend is getting married and since this officially makes me the oldest never married girl I know, it will probably be my last. It is kind of bittersweet, I guess. Anyway, here’s to one more dress I’ll never wear again. One more round of wedding showers I smile and laugh through. One more wedding I pretend to be excited about.

Notice I very deliberately didn’t say “pretend to be happy about.” I am happy for my friend. There is no pretending about that. She is marrying a great guy – I suppose, anyway. I’ve yet to meet him. I don't think she'd be marrying him if he weren't great. I am happy for her, I’m just not excited about the prospect of one more wedding where I am bombarded with questions like “When are we going to do this for you?” and “Have you met anyone new?” Worse yet are the platitudes of “Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone someday.” and “You’ll meet someone, don’t worry.” and my favorite “I’ll happen for you. Just be patient.” PATIENT!? Job and I are quickly becoming synonymous for patience. Besides, I’m 35 years old – almost – and it is my understanding that in order to marry someone you actually have to date. But that is a story for another blog on another day.

I don’t want to sound bitter. I’m really not. HONEST! Frustrated? I’ll admit to that. A little sad about the end of an era? Yes, that too. I mean, we’ve been friends for nearly 25 years and she is the last person I know, and sometimes only person I know, who understands what I mean when I lament being single still at my age. Disillusioned by the fading prospect for my own nuptials? Yes, yes, that, too. Bitter that my friend is marrying and I’m not? No, not at all.

So, the wedding planning begins in earnest. I get to pick out the dress, I::shudder:: plan a shower, I paste on a smile and I muddle through somehow. Oh well.